Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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