Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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