areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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