I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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