you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
