you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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