Banned from zoo.
Again?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize