Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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