we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
