Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
