Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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