Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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