The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
