this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
