i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
