I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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