I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
