For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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