I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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