Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
