Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
