doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
