Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
