i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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