There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my liver is dry heaving
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
