If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
