I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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