how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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