She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we made out on top of his cat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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