She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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