Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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