Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
