She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
