Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
