just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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