My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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