booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We have so much sex to catch up on
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
