You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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