Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
