We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
