You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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