I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
