How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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