I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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