toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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