NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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