This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
