Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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