i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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