i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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