so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
