I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
