the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
