420 ftw
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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