Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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