shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.