Little spoons don't ask big questions
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him