I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.