Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
