He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
