just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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