At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
