He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
