My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
