it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
