Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
