And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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