Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He passed out mid-signature
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
