i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hello my rib-scented angel!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
