I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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