My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
