So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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