my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
one might say we're banned from that church
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
