she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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