I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry about my life...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
