Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
