please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
