we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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