Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
