I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
