i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
