I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
