I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
